Tag Archives: The Wee Professor

We’ll Go No More A-Roving

Post 80 of 80. Woolwich Arsenal (Square E9 on the Tube map), Mornington Crescent (B5)

Only one and a half stations today, but this is no cut-down post. There’s fun and games to the end: The Wee Professor gives you the full statistics (well, obviously not the full statistics – that would take far too long) of this absurd and pointless quest, The Inner Curmudgeon has agreed to release what he’s calling ‘the headlines’ of The Seven Habits Of Highly Successful Curmudgeons and the winners of The TubeforLOLs’ Awards are announced.   Continue reading

This Is The Modern World (75/80)

Post 75 of 80. Tuesday 19 November  – Westferry (Square D7 on the Tube map), West Finchley (A5), West Ham (C8), West Hampstead (B4), West Harrow (B2)

I step out of Gingerbread Cottage early and breakfast-less for today’s assault on London. By Jove, it’s cold! That wind is Arktik! Rounding the corner into Sydenham Park Road (there’s no Sydenham Park, by the way) I come across a traffic jam in Dartmouth Road heading towards the South Circular: it’s a supersnarlyhootilisticexpleetayalatrocious snarl-up! Less of the outrageously long words, snarls The Inner Curmudgeon. Otherwise we’ll never get through this post. Feeling something like the Israelites must have done when crossing the Red Sea, I shoulder my way past the boils and whirls malarking on the pavement on their way to skool.   Continue reading

Much Ado About Nothing (Dreaming The Life) (72/80)

Post 72 of 80. Monday 4 November  – Wapping (Square D7 on the Tube map), Warren Street (C5), Warwick Avenue (C3), Waterloo (E5), Watford (A2)

The rain that’s been thumping on the roof all night stops and, in an instant, there’s bright blue sky outside: a good day for TubeforLOLs. Except I don’t want to traipse round the Tube where anything might happen but nothing does. I really don’t. There’s only thirty-odd stations to go, I thought it would get easier, but it doesn’t get easier, it gets harder … harder … harder … Someone is poking me in the ribs with a stick. It’s The Inner Curmudgeon. Come on, boyo, he is saying. He’s got his gruff voice on but today there’s a paternal, concerned gruffityness about it. Slowly I swim upwards from the anxious and loathsome deeps, through the world of sleep and dreams … You can’t let this TubeforLOLs’ nonsense, get to you, Sandy, The Inner Curmudgeon is saying. It’s nothing, understand, nothing! You can’t let it get into your dreams!   Continue reading

Accentuate The Positive! (68/80)

Tuesday 15 October  – Tottenham Hale (Square B7 on the Tube map), Totteridge & Whetstone (A5), Tower Gateway (D7), Tower Hill (D6), Tufnell Park (B5)

A grey day and a miserable prospect. First off, the snorting snarling road junction known as Tottenham Hale. Next up, Totteridge & Whetstone – one from the end of the Northern line’s High Barnet branch and the only thing likely in its favour is that it’s one step nearer to civilization than High Barnet. Then the two Towers, Gateway and Hill – tourist fodder; ugh! And finally, Tufnell Park: an awful dump the last time I was there twenty years ago, an awful dump the first time I visited forty years ago!

Stop belly-aching, Craig! hollers The Inner Curmudgeon.    Continue reading

Of Beauty, Change and Loss (67/80)

Tuesday 8 October  – Temple (Square D5 on the Tube map), Theydon Bois (A8), Tooting Bec (F4), Tooting Broadway (F4), Tottenham Court Road (C5)

It’s a glorious autumn day but I really don’t want to go out. My muscles are aching from my recent over-strenuous gardening but that’s only a part of it. It’s more that I really really don’t want to drag my carcass around the Tube. Not today, not this week, not this year. Come on! I’ve visited over three hundred stations. What more is there to discover about London and its neighbourhoods? Surely I’ve run the gamut of human emotion – or as much of it as I’m going to run?

It’s his own stupid fault, Dear Readers, The Inner Curmudgeon chips in. And it’s not the first time. He’s a serial offender. ‘Over-strenuous gardening’! My Giddy Aunt!   Continue reading

Lies, Damned Lies and Statistics (62/80)

Friday 20 September  – South Acton (Square D2 on the Tube map), South Ealing (D1), Southfields (E3), Southgate (A6), South Hampstead (C4), South Harrow (B2), South Kensington (D4)

This is one of these days of tube-wandering when nothing much happens. I gain a glimpse of the life Mediterranean, I chance on yet another misnamed station, I attempt to resolve a dispute, there is a late disappointment. In between times I muse on inventions, gossip, evolution and civilization. Meanwhile The Wee Professor has been crunching the TubesforLOLs data – distances travelled, time spent travelling, the likelihood of Mr TubeforLOLs finishing …  Continue reading

A Three Pipe Problem (52/80)

Wednesday 14 August – Northolt (Square B1 on the Tube map), North Wembley (B3), Northwick Park (B3), Northwood (A2), Northwood Hills (A2), Norwood Junction (F6)

After the ups and downs of the last two posts – in the former a sense of achievement, in the latter the inevitable anti-climax – I have sought succour in the pearls of wisdom that Alexis-Charles-Henri Clérel de Tocqueville strewed so plentifully in his follow-up to Democracy in America, his masterful Cheesemaking in France: ‘When approaching a truly resplendent Morbier, one must savour it bite by bite.’ I will do likewise. I will focus not on the journey but stop by stop.

Today, for instance, I will ignore the long pointless travelling between Northolt (way out north west on the Central line), North Wembley (way out north west on the Bakerloo) and Northwick Park (way out north west on the Metropolitan). The latter two stations are probably but a mere roll of a Double Gloucester away from each other, but do I Caerphilly? And so what if I see the inside of Baker Street station more times than there are holes in an Emmental? Hah! I wave my Stinking Bishop at all its ten platforms!   Continue reading