METRO HEADLINE

THE LOL-OSCARS AWARDS

THE READERS’ AWARD: THE METRO HEADLINE OF THE YEAR

Set out below – all of The Metro headlines as recorded in TubeforLOLs in date order from earliest to most recent. Read this as a poem. Read this as a summary of the year 2013. Read this and be thankful that all these headlines are in the past. This is your chance, Dear Readers, to vote for your favourite. To leave a reply below you will need to sign up to WordPress. It’s simple – all you need to do is pretend to be a blogger – don’t worry, you don’t actually need to start blogging. If you can’t be fussed with that and have my email, well, email me. The winning headline will be declared in the final post.

Please note: Maximum of three votes per reader.

  • Stiff upper lip boosts our cancer death risk [6/80]
  • The day Britain said ‘I do’ to gay marriage [8/80]
  • Big Brother spyware can even predict future crime [9/80]
  • Red signal from train passengers [10/80]
  • Taking le piste [11/80] – A Silver Finish!

  • Chubb’s chimps [12/80]
  • A nation of secret boozers [13/80]
  • Divorce? Have a £4,000 bill for photocopying [14/80]
  • Cardinal O’Brien to face Vatican inquiry [15/80]
  • Britain slips down world death table [16/80]
  • 1.5 million see child abuse ‘by accident’ [17/80]
  • Gales, rain and snow on the way [18/80]
  • Little angel killed by gust of wind [19/80]
  • Killed by a pack of ‘mad dogs’ [20/80]
  • NHS phone system ‘is a chaotic mess’ [24/80]
  • Trapped in the nest [26/80]
  • The End [27/80] – The Winner!

  • Devastation [28/80]
  • Demand sends house prices back to peak [32/80]
  • Google tax ‘lies’ [34/80]
  • The Reluctant Hero [35/80]
  • I learnt of my son’s death on school web page [36/80]
  • Hang him, demands Tia’s father [37/80]
  • Becks to the future [38/80]
  • Blown to hell [39/80]
  • The fight to save 2 million children [41/80]
  • ‘Abandoned’ to the Taliban [42/80]
  • Tulisa drug arrest [43/80]
  • ‘Revenge for Rigby’ fears over school fire [44/80]
  • Teachers face rise in working hours [45/80]
  • The Fugitive [46/80]
  • Find this man [47/80]
  • Car hackers [48/80]
  • Lads’ mags told to cover up or vanish [49/80]
  • Owners of killer dogs could face life in jail [50/80]
  • Tycoon’s ‘contempt’ for victims of abuse [51/80]
  • 4% rail fare rise ‘is just doing your bit’ [52/80]
  • New warning over legal Twitter trap [53/80]
  • Cuffed and awaiting their fate [54/80]
  • He duped 7.5m bank users into paying £1.3bn for worthless insurance. Guess what he talks … [55/80]
  • Putin tells West: Stay out of Syria [56/80]
  • Syria: Westminster wobbles on action [57/80]
  • If at first you don’t get C… try, try again [58/80]
  • Wily Wonga and the profit factory [59/80]
  • Cameron: The Yids are alright by me [61/80]
  • Sex slaves aged 8 [62/80]
  • A cry from the slaughterhouse [63/80]
  • Most wanted [64/80]
  • Go wombling to pick up the dole [65/80]
  • Earn, learn or lose your benefits [66/80]
  • New father dies a hero in bar fight [67/80]
  • Maddie: Who was man with a child in his arms [68/80]
  • One-man race war [69/80]
  • Drawn to the sea then lost to the storm [70/80]
  • Love is in the hair [71/80]
  • The shop scanners that scan shoppers [72/80]
  • Dinner’s in the bin [73/80]
  • Switch off the lights until 2130 [74/80]
  • Yes, I am guilty … I am a serial killer [75/80]
  • Three women held as slaves for 30 years in a British home [76/80]
  • Footballers arrested over ‘match-fixing’ [77/80]
  • Soldier dies after drinking 16 shots [78/80]
  • You’re going to get Helle from Michelle [79/80] – In on the wire at Number Three!

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